On the eve of World Mental Health Day, observed on October 10th, a simple question like 'Are you okay?' can be an important start to a conversation with someone who may be going through difficulties. While asking this question is easy, reacting to it is harder if the answer is not the expected 'Yes, I'm fine, no complaints, how about you?'
World Mental Health Day is held annually on October 10th to raise awareness about mental health issues and mobilize efforts to support mental well-being worldwide. This year, the World Health Organization's theme is 'Experience Heard: Real Voices, Real Change,' which emphasizes the importance of having people with life experience heard and involved in decision-making regarding mental health services and support.
Although one conversation cannot solve mental health problems, opening the possibility to talk can reduce the feeling that a person has to cope with their difficulties alone.
What should you say?
If, in response to 'Are you okay?', a person says they are not well, the first reaction might be to immediately offer advice or try to fix the problem. While this is acceptable, the most helpful thing you can do is listen. When supporting someone who may be struggling, it is important to let them know you care, offer space for conversation, and assure them that you are willing to listen—and listen not to reply.
Open-ended questions can also help sustain the conversation. Instead of immediately asking what the person plans to do about their problem, questions like 'How have you been feeling?' or 'What has been happening?' give them the opportunity to explain their experience.
You can also say:
Phrases such as: 'I'm glad you told me,' 'Do you want to talk about what's going on?', 'I'm here to listen,' or 'What could help you right now?' can be used. The goal is not to give the perfect answer, but to create an atmosphere where the person feels free to speak without fear of judgment.
Don't force the person to talk
Asking if someone is okay does not mean they are obligated to open up. You should not force anyone into a conversation or push them toward getting help until they are ready themselves. Instead, you need to provide them with space, listen without judgment, and let them know you are available if they want to talk. It is also helpful to return to the topic later.
A person may not feel comfortable discussing what they are going through during the first conversation. This does not necessarily mean they don't need support; the main thing is to keep the possibility of communication open.
What to do if the conversation becomes serious?
If someone reports feeling hopeless, wanting to die, or thinking about suicide, it is crucial to take their words seriously. The WHO states that talking about suicide is normal, and that asking about suicidal thoughts does not prompt a person to act on those feelings. According to this organization, a direct question can, on the contrary, reduce anxiety and help the person feel understood. In such a situation, you can calmly and directly ask: 'Are you thinking about suicide?'
If a person is in immediate danger of harming themselves, professional or emergency help must be sought. In South Africa, the South African Depression and Anxiety Group (SADAG) provides a free, 24-hour suicide prevention hotline at 0800 567 567. They also list the Cipla mental health hotline at 0800 456 789, and their office number 011 234 4837 is available from 8 am to 8 pm.
You don't need to have all the answers
One of the biggest obstacles to starting a conversation about mental health is the fear of saying the wrong thing. However, checking on someone does not require you to be a counselor or necessarily have the solution to their problems. Sometimes the most helpful response is simply listening. You can ask if the person wants advice or prefers to be listened to. You can also offer practical help, such as helping them find professional support or accompanying them to an appointment, if they wish.
The conversation shouldn't end with one question
The question 'Are you okay?' does not have to be a one-time question asked only because it is World Mental Health Day. Genuine interest can be as simple as sending a message, making a call, having a cup of tea together, or asking how the person is truly doing. It is also worth planning mental health conversations when both people have time and choosing an environment where the discussion feels comfortable. Thus, the message of World Mental Health Day is not that one question can fix a person's mental health. It is that the question can create an opportunity for listening—and sometimes providing a person with space to talk about what they are going through is the beginning of a conversation.


